I Want to Kick You in the Back, by Wataya Risa

Translated by Julianne Neville

(2003, translated 2015)

One Peace Books

(Light Novel)

This is a light young adult novel. The original Japanese version was extremely popular. The author was in her teens when she wrote it and it is written in a direct language that continues to resonate with Japanese adolescents. The Neville translation is noticeably and distractingly weak; there are quite a significant  number of grammatical errors and several instances where there are wrong word errors. This is unfortunate, as the narrator’s voice is otherwise so engaging. What is most appealing about the story is that curiosity, attraction, love, and desire seem to be creeping up on Hatsu, confusing and frustrating her at every step. She and her friend recently graduated from an all-girls school and enrolled in a coed high school. Hatsu is lost in this world. She feels abandoned by her friend, who seems to be hell bent on joining whatever clique will accept her. Her love interest is uniquely problematic. Like her, he accepts and inhabits his role as a social and academic outcast. The two sit in the back row of their science class telegraphing their lack of interest and disaffection. Hatsu idly shreds notes while Ninagawa, all but hidden by a cavernous hoodie, reads a women’s fashion magazine under his desk. Later, when Ninagawa invites her to his home, Hatsu discovers that Ninagawa is obsessed with a supermodel with Japanese and European features. He meticulously archives her images and follows the blog she writes for young, hip women, and he also bids online for articles of clothing she has worn. Hatsu takes all this in stride; if he wants to become a woman, or if he is gay or is a cross dresser, Hatsu remains unflappable. She will even assist him in pursuing his obsession. Her one key in maintaining power over Ninagawa is that she has actually met his idol, and she satisfies his longing to become closer to his dream woman by retelling the story of her encounter whenever he asks and even making a pilgrimage to the site where she met the model. What’;s fascinating is that Hatsu does and does not understand what she is doing. SHe knows that she is absolutely not the object of Ninagawa’s affection, but she genuinely relishes the attention she can garner from him as he pursues his grail-woman. Hatsu can only express the chaotic emotions she is feeling about this boy and his masculine behavior by an overwhelming desire to kick him in the back. From her old friend’s perspective, Hatsu is obviously in love with this boy, but poor Hatsu is so overwhelmed by the new feelings she is experiencing that she insists that her friend couldn’t be more wrong. The story is odd and unresolved, but all very believable. Ninagawa’s obsession is a precocious kink, perverse and ultimately unrewarding. As readers, we want to kick him in the back, too, to bring him into an awareness of the real world and the very real girl who loves him so much that  she has subl;imated her own desires in an effort to help him attain his own.

“Loneliness makes a sound. It is crisp and clear and loud, like an alarm bell going off between your ears. And it’s enough to make your head feel ready to split. The reason I keep tearing pieces of our leftover science class handouts into slender strips is to keep my classmates from hearing the sound coming from inside me right now.”  (5)